I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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