if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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