Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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