Please don't use social media to get back at me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
