i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
