I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
