and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
