I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
