omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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