Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
