I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
