she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Youโre sleeping on my couch so youโre not making dick appointments tonight
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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