Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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