One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
