The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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