She's like a pop up book from hell.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Oh god it's open bar.
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