sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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