Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
