Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
