Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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