I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We left the knife in your bed.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
