dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
