that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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