My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
