so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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