mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
