Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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