I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
