She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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