I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
