I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
