I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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