Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
