If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
