fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
