im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
