I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
