I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize