why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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