just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
