yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
