i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
