i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
