this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
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i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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