Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
