I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
