I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
