p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
