If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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