I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
