Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
