I feel great
I just peed on a car
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
