I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
