I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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