Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
