Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
