So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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