Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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