I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
