I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
