She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
