I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
